Getting off the Roly Poly of life

My last post talked about depression - a beast that has stalked me for some time now. For me this has been stress-based from outside interventions, rather than anything more sinister in the chemical workings of my brain. Working through a lot of new interventions this year has been really difficult. My father passed away in January (you can read about him here )- that reminded me of the obligations one has to support one's family. My girlfriend elected to take a new job in Thailand. The house I was renting was sold and I had to make plans to move. A friend of mine described this as the "roly poly" of life. Somehow I had to find a way to get off the "roly poly". Well there seemed to be so many options:

• Find a new place in Sydney so that I could be near my children and continue my Australian dream
• Go back to my home country (South Africa) and support my family there and reconnect with all the friends that have stood by me all these years - 23 years since I left
• Go back to Europe where I had 13 very fruitful years of life and travel
• Get on my bicycle and ride away into the sunset
• Follow my heart to Bangkok
• End it
• 
  

I was not going to end it - though I came close a few times. I understand that the probability of suicide of children of a suicide victim jumps to 50%. Not a burden that I wanted my 3 lovely children to bear. They are all in their teens and twenties now and quite able to take care of themselves - my influence on their lives is dropping each day. They supported my thoughts of moving. I could not go back to South Africa. Whilst I left in a different time (1987) and I am pretty positive about the place, I have bitter personal experience about crime levels - my mother-in-law was murdered in her home on June 21, 2006 - not something one wants to happen to anyone let alone to a 93 year old lady living on her own and what a lovely lady she was.

I finally settled on a different way of viewing things. Things happen for a reason. I could be free to travel and to follow my heart as I no longer had a property obligation back in Sydney. And that is what I have chosen to do. The furniture is in storage. The papers are in my girlfriend's house in Sydney and I am going to do a bike ride too. You find me in Bangkok, Thailand. On June 21, I will embark on a two month cycle tour of Europe - revisiting places familiar and exploring places new.

And now on day 2, it feels like the right decision. My body had been rebelling with all the stress of the last few weeks. Was I doing the right thing? Would I get all the tasks on a very long list done? They talk about the big stress drivers in life - divorce (mine is still not finalised); death of a parent (2010); moving house (moving country is a bigger one - the third time for me) - sure have stacked up for me in 2010. As each hour passes the pressures seem to be easing off and my body responds.

So the lesson in all of this is "Take Charge" and make your own choices based on your own abilities and stick with the people who continue to support you.

Depression

I'm on a new mission. As a quite long time sufferer from depression, I am no longer happy to read headlines like this one when someone somewhere could make a difference

Tragic death of newsreader: ideal life 'drenched in negativity'

I suffer from the symptoms of depression. Most days, no one would even notice that I exist, let alone that I had passed. We owe it to all the sufferers to get past the stigma and to reach out a helping hand and a smiling face. There is a place in the sun for us all - some of us just need a helping hand to get out of the shadows of the black cloud.

This story sucks: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/tragic-death-of-newsreader-ideal-life-drenched-in-negativity-20100308-psv3.html

Let's not let it happen again

Counting down

It is the end of the 2009 financial year. The financial die is cast for another tax year. Now it is seriously time to turn attention to the bike ride. After all, time is ticking away.

I depart Sydney on July 27, 2009. The ride departs Rockhampton on July 29 headed for Darwin 4 weeks later and 3,000 kms further. We have a collection of 13 riders and Collis in the support van. Of those 13 riders, 5 have ridden across Australia before. Me in 2002, 2004, and 2006. Woody in 2002 and 2006. Sheila, Rob and Roger in 2006. We have all done some big tours in between. We have 8 other riders who are braving this trip for the first time. Of the 13 riders, 6 are women.

My training has been diabolical in its scarcity. I have just ticked over 1,800 kms this year, of which close to one third has been in June. No excuses really - have just been spending the time putting together a new life with a new love partner. That side of life is really good. Now time to focus on the training and staying healthy and topside the road - have had a few close encounters. In a few days, I'll put a web journal up on CrazyguyonaBike.

Looking ahead to 2009

Been a while - have toured parts of Europe, have spent time on the South island of New Zealand and toured a few days among the Great Lakes of NSW. Now the mind turns to the next big adventure.

2009 is time to ride across Australia again, this time from Rockhampton on the Capricorn Coast to Darwin on the Arafura Sea. You can read about it all at http://www.cycleacrossaustralia.com - the website is mine. Please excuse the limited web skills but I think it does work.

Current thinking is to ride to the start from Sydney - anyone out htere want to join?

Time to go

Getting to the departure gate has had more twists than a John le Carre spy thriller.

Passport arrived at only 4pm yesterday - after I had been sitting in the wrong place all day. Good thing was I did get some things done while I was waiting. This meant that I had to change plans for getting my visa put in onto Thursday morning. Also had to postpone getting replacement contact lenses and getting keys cut for Stuart (who will use my apartment for a while). Never afraid to change sequences and critical paths - everything got changed around and headed into town in the morning traffic with all my kit.

Phone call from Qantas as I walk to the Immigration office - can I make the earlier flight as my flight to Hong Kong is delayed - ordinarily I would have done BUT not this time. Long queue at Immigration which I manage to short circuit and am out of there by 9:18am - have to hold off the Qantas call back as I hit the service counter. Question: can I get to optician and to airport in time to make earlier flight? Not necessary to rush as Qantas have rerouted and I have time to amble up town to optician - have to reschedule meeting Stuart - and will miss Yohan in Zurich in the morning.

Now even have time to write this - hope this is the worst that it will get.

Good news is my cold has finally deserted me after 3 weeks. Now to ride.

The day before departure

I am about to embark on the next cycling adventure. It is more than a cycle tour this time although there is a fair bit of that. On August 20, I depart Paris to ride the furthest I have ever ridden in one go. I will have 90 hours to complete 1200 kilometres of Paris Brest Paris (PBP). Now I have ridden that far before in 5 days but never in 3 days - in fact have done that more than once. Preparation for this has not been ideal. I spent 3 weeks in June in the USA supporting Team Velokraft in the Race Across America. I did manage to get some riding done on the East Coast. I have spent most of the month of July with a bad cold/flu which has kept me from riding. I had planned a 1,600 km month and have managed only 400 kms.

I have 2 weeks of touring lined up in France before PBP - I am hoping that this will round out the work I have done and I am pleased to see my cold has now cleared away. This tour is for an Australian contingent of PBP riders and takes in a day of Semaine Federale; Lourdes and a few rides in the Pyrenees; Annecy and a few rides in the French Alps - also lots of good French food and wine. It will be good to get back to France again - I worked there a lot in the 1990's. After PBP I will cyclo camp (as the French call it) my way along the Mosel and Rhine Rivers on my way to Zurich.

If only my passport would arrive - not sure how I am going to get my return visa into it before departing for the airport for an early afternoon departure.

Beginning to blog

I started this blog at the time I was preparing website and blogsite for Team Velokraft participating in the Race Across America.

I don't know who wants to read about the travails of a middle-aged man consumed by a passion for cycling and cycle touring.

You can find the travelogues on http://carrinm2007.crazyguyonabike.com/ which will capture what I'm doing on my tours but will not necessarily capture what is crossing my mind.